So I got some exciting news a few days ago.... and of course, once the excitement died down, anxiety came in to settle.
“What have I done that was worthy of this?” Kept popping in my head.
I’ve been sitting with that thought when I got some things I had to go over.
And then I read other people’s accomplishments.
And the cloak of uselessness, of pity, of not enough weighed heavy on me.
What have I done that was worthy of this?!
This morning, I woke up. Did a workout to get some clarity. And looked down at the cup I was drinking from.
Clarity: I share my story because I wanted other mamas who feel the same way, feel less alone.
All I managed to accomplish in this covid pandemic nightmare, doing pandemic homeschooling, in between doctor and lab visits, in the midst of #pmdd hell week, in living with #anxiety is telling my story.
In a few weeks, I will be telling my birth story, my #pregnancyanxiety story, my #preeclampsia story, my #postpartumdepression story for the THIRD time this year.
I get to sit and share what other mamas before me (and those after) won’t get to do.
And that alone is more than enough.
I am incredibly thankful for every opportunity that I get to share my story.
I'm doing a 30 day grateful November post on my Instagram and Facebook. Yesterday was the 12th, and I posted that I am grateful for moms.
Moms who champion for change.
Moms who show the messy and beautiful and awe inspiring stories of motherhood.
Moms who continue after a loss.
I put my mom leaf on the bottom because it starts with us.
Moms, our “work” may be “unseen.”
We teach, we nurse, we play, we pray,
we do. But what a privilege.
And it’s an honor that is not lost on me.
Our babies are watching what we do. Listening to what we say.
Advocacy, passion, the want for change starts with us moms.
I will probably circle back to this later for affirmations.
But for now, I will dry my tears, swallow my thoughts on not being enough and practice saying my story aloud.
And just in case you need to hear this too:
“the one thing that you have that nobody else has is you.
- 2020 Champions for Change summit.
In 2012, my daughter was born at 31 weeks due to Preeclampsia and spent 43 days in the NICU. When I found out I was pregnant again, I became anxious about history repeating itself. He was born at 34 weeks in 2016. I had another premature baby, another NICU stay, another preeclampsia diagnosis. This time, I added postpartum depression to my history.